Butter Me Up Like A Lobster And Call Me Frodo
by Jebus hey
Summary: Frodo and Sam are tied together by the power of a ring. New chapters will include peanut butter. God, think of the possibilities.
1. Default Chapter

Frodo and Sam are found skipping through the Shire. Frodo and Sam are holding hands nothing is thought of it,considering the two are best friends."Let's go over here Mr. Frodo." "Alright, Sam." The two change their direction towards an area shaded by trees. The area looks deserted for the most part. Frodo and Sam sit down under the shade of one of the trees. "It's such a beautiful day, isn't it, Sam?" "It sure is, Frodo. I'm glad I get to spend time with you. I hardly get to see your lovely face." Frodo moves his head towards the sunlight. He shows Sam his beautiful face in the light. "Do you really think I'm lovely?" "Of course I do. You're the prettiest hobbit in the Shire." "I'm not as pretty as Rose." "Yes, you are Frodo." Frodo moves downward to look into Sam's eyes. "You really think so?" "Yes, Frodo. I know so." "Such things you say, Sam." " I wouldn't say them if they weren't true." "That's the funny thing, I know you wouldn't if you didn't think so." "So, you told me you had something to ask me?" "Yes I did." Frodo starts to smile. "Come on , Frodo. Ask me." Frodo's smile turns into a sly grin. "Well, I've seen the way you act around Rose and I don't think you admire her anymore." " You're right. I don't" "I'm not finished, Sam." Frodo's eyes stare intently at Sam's hand. Sam has a ring on his finger. The same ring that Frodo gave him a couple years ago. Sam is twirling it around his ring finger. Frodo's gaze is broken and he directs his attention to Sam's face. " Your eyes are beautiful." "Oh, come on Mr. Frodo. You're just kidding." "No, I'm not. I really mean it. But what I'm trying to ask you is...Sam...Do you love me?" Sam looks into Frodo's deep blue eyes. "Yes, Mr. Frodo." Frodo starts laughing, but not at Sam in particular. "Why are you laughing? Do you find this funny?" Frodo stops laughing. "No, Sam. I'm just so happy that you feel the same way." "How did you know, Frodo?" "Well, there were always those akward moments when we were alone together. The thing with Rose was another. I just picked up on the signs." "Well, I'm glad you did. I could have never gotten the courage to tell you how I felt." The two hobbits embrace each other. Then Frodo slowly unbuttons Sam's pinstripe vest. "I've wanted to do this for so long!" "Me too, Frodo!" Sam helps Frodo unbutton his brown velvet vest. Frodo starts to kiss Sam's lucious lips, passionately. Frodo's vest is off. Frodo unbuttons his shirt as fast as possible. Sam doesn't even bother taking his shirt off, he rips it off. "Oh, I want you, Sam!" Frodo kisses Sam's chest, and continues to go downward. Frodo unzips Sam's trousers. Sam's wearing red boxers with hearts. "Sam...You have hearts on your boxers. I didn't know you wore boxers." "Why? Do you like them?" "Yes I do! Would you like to see what I have underneath?" "Why, yes, I would." Frodo unzips his trousers. He reveals his whittey tighties. "Ohh my, Frodo!" "Do you like them?" Frodo stands up and parades for Sam. Showing off his beautiful hobbit booty. "I love them, Frodo." "I hope you don't like them too much, Sam. They're going to be coming off soon." "I like the sound of that." Frodo stoops down to Sam. He starts kissing Sam as wonderfully as last time. Sam starts to put his hand down into Frodo's underwear. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. Suddenly, a voice is heard. "Frodo! Frodo!" "Ohh no, Sam! Get dressed! It's Merry and Pippin." Frodo and Sam hurry to get dressed. Sam helps Frodo get dressed first. "Sam! Hurry! Go!" Frodo is dressed. Sam kisses Frodo one more time. "Go, Sam!" "Alright!" Sam runs into the trees trying to put his clothes on as he goes. Frodo waves to Merry and Pippin. Then he runs towards Merry."What is it, Merry?" "Ohh, I just wanted to know if you're alright. I haven't seen you today." "Ohh, I'm fine. I was just enjoying this nice day." Frodo laughs to himself. "Where's Pippin?" "He's over there by that tree." Pippin is standing near one of the trees saying,"Tra la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la." He's jumping around trying to catch something that isn't seen by anyone except him. "I'm glad he's happy, Merry." "Yeah, he's so easily amused. Well, I guess I'll see you around. By the way your pants are unzipped." Frodo's face turns red and he zips his pants up. Merry turns to leave."Goodbye Merry. Goodbye Pippin." "Bye." Merry and Pipin walk through the trees and back to the center of the Shire. Frodo stands there and gives a sigh of relief. He puts his hands in his pockets and finds a note:  
  
Frodo,  
  
Meet me at my home, tonight. We will finish what we started today.  
  
Sam  
  
Frodo put the note back in his pocket and smiled. To be continued... 


	2. The First Kiss

The First Kiss The Prelude to Butter Me Up Like a Lobster and Eat Me Sam By: Jebus hey  
  
{Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. God I hate these stupid things! If people weren't so touchy, then there wouldn't be a need for them. Someday I'll make them see. They don't have me, yet. They'll never get me! I'll kill them before they do! WARNING! If you are offended by homosexuality, stop reading now! I hate you! You deserve to die as much as the monkeys do! Read on.}  
  
The sun was sinking, and shadows were cast upon the ground. The air still smelled so green and crisp. I would be happy just to spend the rest of my time outside. I love looking at the stars. Stars? This made me remember a night with Sam. It wasn't very long ago. I remember it very well. This incident happened on a night like this about four years ago. I was lying on the bank of the river. The lovely night sky was above. All was peaceful and serene. Each star gleamed magnificently. Each one told it's very own story. The water was trickling softly. "What a beautiful night." I had found it hard to sleep on such quiet nights without going outside.  
  
"Beautiful night ain't it." a voice said.  
  
I sat up. I knew it was Sam. Sam stood with his hands in his pockets. Occasionally, he would look up, but he mostly looked at me. I wasn't surprised that Sam had followed me. It wasn't the first time. Regardless, I was glad, for now I had some company. I invited Sam to sit down. Sam sat very close to me.  
  
"What are you doing out here, Sam?"  
  
"I could very well ask you the same question."  
  
"Well, I just couldn't sleep without looking at the stars. Aren't they lovely?"  
  
"I was just.uh.following.uh. no.I just like the stars too."  
  
"They are so pretty!" I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them.  
  
"Yes, they are almost as pretty as you are."  
  
"Quit joking, Sam!" I pushed, Sam, but not in a forceful way.  
  
"I'm not joking. You are the best looking hobbit in the Shire."  
  
"I'm not as pretty as Rose."  
  
"Oh, yes you are! You can't compare you're beauty to Rose."  
  
"So, I take it that you are not fond of her."  
  
"No, I'm never really was."  
  
I smiled. I was trying to get the courage to say something. My thoughts came out into the open.  
  
"Sam, do you like boys?"  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"Well, whenever a girl advances toward you, you relent. It's quite noticeable."  
  
"Really? I guess I never realized it."  
  
"So, you do like boys?"  
  
"Yeah I do, and I think I like you."  
  
I started to laugh. I relaxed a little bit. Sam doesn't find the matter funny.  
  
"Why are you laughing, Frodo? Do you find this funny?"  
  
"No, Sam. It's just that I've always had feelings for you, but I never came out and said it."  
  
"I'm glad you feel the same way about me."  
  
"Me too, Sam."  
  
Sam leaned in on me. He put his hand on my chest. His lips began to touch mine. A soft kiss, yet passionate. It lasted a while. When Sam pulled away, I didn't speak. I was left with a single question. One that needed an answer.  
  
"Was that wrong, Sam?"  
  
"It didn't feel wrong."  
  
"I didn't think it was wrong either."  
  
"I heard that you and Bilbo were leaving tomorrow. Where are you going?"  
  
"Bilbo wouldn't tell me. I'm sure that it isn't far away."  
  
"I will miss you still."  
  
"There's no need. I've something that will put you at ease."  
  
I pulled two rings out of my pocket. I had been saving them, for the right time. Now was that time. I showed them to Sam. The rings were silver with a black jewel in the middle. I had them custom made. On the sides were the initials: F.B. and S.G.  
  
"I was saving these, for a special time. Whenever I am not here, hold on to this ring, and know that I am doing the same."  
  
"Oh, Frodo, it's beautiful! You shouldn't have!"  
  
Sam gave me a gigantic hug. We sat in silence for a while. The silence was broken by Sam. Sam had taken water and thrown it all over me. I swore that I would get him for that. The night ended with Sam and me getting soaked. What a wonderful memory! I will keep it until the end of my days. Just as I have kept this ring. 


End file.
